作为同志，你能接受“娘”吗？

我看好多人都希望自己的另一半不娘(feminine)。我不知道这是不是一种隐性的自我不认同。因为作为同志，总之会和女性共享一些特质，有的表现在行为上，有的在心理上，有的在思维或者兴趣爱好上。行为包括兴趣是可以改变和学习的，如果你有足够的意志力的话(guilty charged, 我自己年轻的时候就努力克服过一些不知道怎么就学来的“不良”习惯，比如掩嘴而笑)。但是作为已经认同的自己的同志，尤其是out的同志的话，有必要掩饰自己的“娘”来迎合别人的口味吗？

我开始对举止feminine的朋友也有抵触，但是近年来对举止feminine的朋友的接触和自己思想的转变让我对于feminine的看法改观好多。归根结底，“娘”不“娘”跟人格和能力无关；就好象gay 不gay跟人格和能力无关一样。一个举止娘的人一样可以是勇于承担责任和诚信的男子汉；反之一个straight-acting但是内心懦弱的人时间久了反倒会觉得不够“男人”。撇开了表象去欣赏一个feminine的一个人，反倒会觉得是一个独到的风景。　

我觉得增加对我们自己这个群体的多样性的认识有助于消除我们自己的一些偏见。说不定认识变了我们会觉得“娘”的人一样可爱，就好象增加饮食健康的知识以后会觉得健康食品更好吃（至少后者可以从我自己的经历得到印证）――尽管有个科学家朋友告诉我人类天生就渴望不“健康”的东西，比如热量。

于丹的婚姻观

没怎么关注过于丹，但这篇关于于丹婚姻观念的文章却有点新意

http://www.popyard.com/cgi-mod/newspage.cgi?num=629240&r=0&j=0

我感兴趣的是她关于脑心平衡的说法。　

于丹：在婚姻里面，两个人在家庭角色上会有一种不经意的分工。一个好的婚姻是平衡的，这就要求有一个人是作为“家庭的脑子”活着的，另一个人则做为“家庭的心”活着。作为脑子活着的这个人要理性，要把握家庭的用钱、老人的赡养、孩子的教育等等，这个人要很有责任感，家庭才会运转得很流畅；作为心活着的人，就要让家里有浪漫、有天真、有快乐、有梦想。所谓一个靠谱，一个不靠谱，就是一个平衡的组合。

现实生活中每个人都有理性和感性的一面但是社会对于男性的期望更多的是理性一面。一定程度上这也是exploitation 和exploration之间的平衡。为心活着的人富于感性，有梦想，会做出格的事情，更注重生活的灵气和新意。而用脑生活的人富于理性和责任感，会把生活安排的有条理有效率，让生活舒适安定。这样的搭配有助于提高彼此的生活质量。你是偏向于那一种？

when did you choose to be straight?

I find this question is very effective in challenging straight folks who think gay is a choice. People may say that these homosexual attractions may not be a choice but whether to act on them is. But the same kind of question can be asked, can you (a heterosexual person) imagine choosing not to act on your attraction to the opposite sex and instead choosing to fall in love with a person of same sex?

zz: Facebook Ads Could 'Out' Gay Users

"Researchers at Microsoft Research India and the Max Planck Institute for Software Systems in Germany have written a paper showing that a users may be inadvertently revealing their sexual preference to advertisers. 'One example was an advertisement for a nursing program at a medical college in Florida, which was only shown to gay men. The researchers said that persons seeing the ad would not know that it had been exclusively aimed at them solely based on their sexuality, nor would they realize that clicking on the ad would reveal to the advertiser, by implication, their sexual preference in addition to other information they might expect to be sent, such as their IP (Internet Protocol) address.' For its part, Facebook 'downplayed the study, saying that the site does not pass any personally identifiable information back to an advertiser.'"

Challenges facing us

By us, I mean Chinese gays in US (CGIUS). After meeting up a gay couple who has been here for many years, it started to occur to me that America is increasingly difficult for Chinese gays to survive.

Many of us came to U.S. under the illusion that we can finally break away from our parents and relatives and live free, like the Internet novels once suggested. But soon we realize that things are not as rosy as we think. The No.1 challenge, at least to those who still subscribe to CRN-type thinking, is to maintain a stable relationship. As the job opportunities dry up in this once a land of opportunities, many of familiar faces leave U.S. for china. This makes it increasingly hard for the remainders to find a partner.

A huge disadvantage, compared with heterosexual folks, is that we cannot get green-card on a marriage basis. Therefore, for a Chinese gay couple to make a living in US., they have fight their green cards on their own. This is no top of the challenge of finding love interests, and finding jobs in the same city. The situation for Chinese gays are desperate - we are a quickly vanishing species.

On a different note, a new wave of Chinese kids start pouring in to U.S. colleges and high schools. A portion of them are destined to stay and explore this land. However, it is probably challenging for older guys to connect with these much younger fellows. Unless we reach out to this newer generation, we will become a shrinking social island soon to be forgotten.

anti-gay bullying at schools

The tragic news hits me today that Tyler Clementi, an 18-year-hold Rutgers freshman killed himself after his roommate secretly broadcasted his same-sex encounters live on the web (story: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/30/nyregion/30suicide.html?hp).

This is no isolate event. A string of gay bullying tragedies occurred recently, including the suicide of 13-year-old Asher Brown from Houston on September 23. Billy Lucas, a 15-year-old from Greensburg, Indian, hung himself after being bullied for years by classmates who suspected that he was gay. (story: http://www.opposingviews.com/i/update-ca-anti-gay-bullying-victim-dies-following-suicide-attempt).

This exactly underlines the fact gays live in such a hostile environment in U.S. These cultural prejudices and anti-gay bullies makes growing up an especially challenging process for gay teens. That's why the gay rights battle should be fought not only in economic terms but also on cultural/societal grounds. How many more lost lives are needed to wake up the "mainstream"?

A few more photos at the proud festival

The American Idol performer (Frenchie Davis) sang while another performer danced around her.


Someone from the audience stepped up and dance to Frenchie's song.

A moment at lover's arms.





the two male dancers posed for guests.




A dynamic performer broke a sweat performing for us.


A male dancer.

I have to say I loved my telephoto lens more.