于丹的婚姻观

没怎么关注过于丹，但这篇关于于丹婚姻观念的文章却有点新意

http://www.popyard.com/cgi-mod/newspage.cgi?num=629240&r=0&j=0

我感兴趣的是她关于脑心平衡的说法。　

于丹：在婚姻里面，两个人在家庭角色上会有一种不经意的分工。一个好的婚姻是平衡的，这就要求有一个人是作为“家庭的脑子”活着的，另一个人则做为“家庭的心”活着。作为脑子活着的这个人要理性，要把握家庭的用钱、老人的赡养、孩子的教育等等，这个人要很有责任感，家庭才会运转得很流畅；作为心活着的人，就要让家里有浪漫、有天真、有快乐、有梦想。所谓一个靠谱，一个不靠谱，就是一个平衡的组合。

现实生活中每个人都有理性和感性的一面但是社会对于男性的期望更多的是理性一面。一定程度上这也是exploitation 和exploration之间的平衡。为心活着的人富于感性，有梦想，会做出格的事情，更注重生活的灵气和新意。而用脑生活的人富于理性和责任感，会把生活安排的有条理有效率，让生活舒适安定。这样的搭配有助于提高彼此的生活质量。你是偏向于那一种？

when did you choose to be straight?

I find this question is very effective in challenging straight folks who think gay is a choice. People may say that these homosexual attractions may not be a choice but whether to act on them is. But the same kind of question can be asked, can you (a heterosexual person) imagine choosing not to act on your attraction to the opposite sex and instead choosing to fall in love with a person of same sex?

zz: Facebook Ads Could 'Out' Gay Users

"Researchers at Microsoft Research India and the Max Planck Institute for Software Systems in Germany have written a paper showing that a users may be inadvertently revealing their sexual preference to advertisers. 'One example was an advertisement for a nursing program at a medical college in Florida, which was only shown to gay men. The researchers said that persons seeing the ad would not know that it had been exclusively aimed at them solely based on their sexuality, nor would they realize that clicking on the ad would reveal to the advertiser, by implication, their sexual preference in addition to other information they might expect to be sent, such as their IP (Internet Protocol) address.' For its part, Facebook 'downplayed the study, saying that the site does not pass any personally identifiable information back to an advertiser.'"

Challenges facing us

By us, I mean Chinese gays in US (CGIUS). After meeting up a gay couple who has been here for many years, it started to occur to me that America is increasingly difficult for Chinese gays to survive.

Many of us came to U.S. under the illusion that we can finally break away from our parents and relatives and live free, like the Internet novels once suggested. But soon we realize that things are not as rosy as we think. The No.1 challenge, at least to those who still subscribe to CRN-type thinking, is to maintain a stable relationship. As the job opportunities dry up in this once a land of opportunities, many of familiar faces leave U.S. for china. This makes it increasingly hard for the remainders to find a partner.

A huge disadvantage, compared with heterosexual folks, is that we cannot get green-card on a marriage basis. Therefore, for a Chinese gay couple to make a living in US., they have fight their green cards on their own. This is no top of the challenge of finding love interests, and finding jobs in the same city. The situation for Chinese gays are desperate - we are a quickly vanishing species.

On a different note, a new wave of Chinese kids start pouring in to U.S. colleges and high schools. A portion of them are destined to stay and explore this land. However, it is probably challenging for older guys to connect with these much younger fellows. Unless we reach out to this newer generation, we will become a shrinking social island soon to be forgotten.