“你怎么确定你是Gay？”

我向好朋友出柜时候总是会遇到这个问题。言外之意是你没有搞错吧，这条路这么难走。我不知道别人怎么想，不过这个问题其实有点Tricky。按照Dr. Alfred Kinsey的说法同性恋和异性恋不是黑白分明的。一些宗教组织宣扬同性性行为是一种选择的时候常常会遭到这样的抵制--“对不起，我们生来就是Gay”。 坦白来说，我觉得这其中的确包含了选择的成分，至少对我来说。一个人可以overwhelmingly对同性有兴趣，但也很难排除“没有遇到合适的女孩子”的可能性。我们也不能仅遵循生理上的吸引，特别对我来说吸引是一种综合的东西，有很多大脑的参与。况且等人到了6、7十岁之后完全可以过一种无性的生活，那时的愉悦主要来自于大脑。

所以走上同性爱的道路的确是我基于自己经历的一种下意识的选择。我的经历告诉我，只有跟男孩子在一起，我才能充分地爱，才能获得身心的和谐。

How Do You think of Gay Pride.

没有看过gay pride，不过我直觉上觉得其实这样的pride真的是无法代表我们自己的生活生活方式，反倒容易让别人误解。我倒比较支持一种草根运动让多数人了解和消除对同性爱的恐惧。

Wiki上也堪列了对Gay Pride的Opposition，还有这个Blog尖锐地批评Gay Pride充斥了没有谋略的左倾激进派和性裸露癖。Gay Pride也许能给刚刚出柜的同性恋者鼓舞和新鲜感，我相信除去了Pride之外也能给大家（包括非同性恋者）提供一种娱乐。但作为对公众的宣传，我觉得这说不定失之偏颇。等以后亲身经历一下再说吧。

Paolo Nutini - Last Request (Video)

BF recommended this to me. Like it. Like his shirt and hair as well. His voice somewhat sounds like Maroon 5's Adam Levine. I don't know why a lonely soul can be such attractive. Maybe because it cries out to get you involved?

Eddie Corbano: 10 Rules To Make LDRs Work: part I

10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

by Eddie Corbano. Eddie, thank you so much for your wonderful article.

Long distance relationships have both, advantages and disadvantages. For some, the distance is a good help to slowly open up to the relationship without the incessant presence of the partner. The romance stays kindled because you aren’t around the person 24/7 seeing various habits and routines that can get repetitive.

Of course, there is also a very important condition without an long distant relationship can not work:

You must have a true interest in each other. I mean a deep emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve met each other through chat/e-mail. I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough. That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.

Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:

Eddie Corbano: 10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work: Part II

by Eddie Corbano. Eddie, thank you so much for your wonderful article.

1. Have A Relationship Plan For The Future

Know where you are heading. Have a light at the end of the tunnel.

2. Meet Regularly

Try to see each other every month at least once. Plan this ahead and include some activities, like town visits, museums, a weekend in a fancy hotel, etc. Make it a celebration, an explosion, something very special!

So do everything you can to meet at least once a month.

3. Use Modern Technologies To Communicate

• Get an e-mail account if you do not have one and write at least one e-mail to each other every day
• Use Skype or something similar to talk to each other for free. Believe me, it’s awesome watching a movie together while simultaneously talking on Skype
• Use Instant Messaging (I recommend the Yahoo Messenger)
• Use digital photographs and videos of your daily activities and send them via e-mail
• Use a webcam (this I can highly recommend)

4. Give Yourselves A Free Day

I then found it very helpful to insert a day or two without any communication. What then happens is that you miss each other very intensively and you usually find yourselves at a more higher level than you were before.

5. Write Extensive And Intimate E-mails

“The most important thing here is: be honest!”

Open yourself up completely. Write about your inner state, what you are feeling, what you dream about, what you hope for. As a rule of guidance: describe in your e-mails your inner state and in your phone-calls your outer state. Writing is more intense than verbal communication and allows you to be more intimate. That will create a tighter bond between you.

Eddie Corbano: 10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work: Part III

by Eddie Corbano. Eddie, thank you so much for your wonderful article.

6. Send A Written Letter Once In A While

7. Beware Of Jealousy

Jealousy is a very dangerous thing and can threaten every long distance relationship. Jealousy is commonly a lack of trust and understanding. It very often reveals insecurities and bad experiences in other relationships.

8. Avoid Dangerous “Situations”

Simply avoid temptations that could distract you from each other. Better safe than sorry!

9. Never Loose Faith

10. Always Stay Positive

Always assume that your partner loves you and cares about you. Never assume anything negative, whether you read something in his/her e-mails or you disliked how he/she made a weird comment on something. Don’t interpret too much in it.

Have faith, have trust and you both will succeed in the end.

Your friend,

Eddie Corbano

Hedonism

我看了Kurt的3年旅行计划，应该说是很精彩了。然后又有很多仰慕者和响应者，但我却静悄悄的退后了，我在思考。

我不是也被认为是一个喜欢玩的人吗？我为什么对这样的宏伟的计划反倒感到有点惧怕。我想到了一个词hedonism，享乐主义。 我的很多娱乐活动都是处于recreation的目的，也就是说当我累了疲惫了，需要散散心了，我会想着出去游游山玩玩水，重新充一下电，但回来之后我就不会再去想它了。所以我至今都没有要周游世界的愿望：一定程度上讲，我不觉得我deserve这样奢华的生活，尽管我完全有实力去实现它。我有时候会想世界上还有那么多人连饭都吃不饱，我们一群精英关顾着自己享受精致的生活算什么？

其实我也没有什么鸿大志向，你要问我将来做什么我也不知道，目前嘛总有一双大手推你向前并没有什么自由。我的想法也基本上是小家碧玉型：我会从对事理的更为透彻的理解中获得快乐，可以是说这基本上是属于intellectual的意淫吧。有的朋友总提去办教育，支援贫困儿童，很惭愧我一点也没有做。如果要找理由的话可以说现在还不是最好的时机。但这并不是真正的理由，真正的理由是我还没找到让我能engage的事情 -- 而且我现在也根本是泥菩萨过河，救自己还手忙脚乱呢。我一向没有说得出的志向，可能我不想作为志向的奴隶吧，我可能需要比较长的时间来确定我最终要效忠於什么目标，也许终久也不会找到。

French Open

I was able to watch Nadal (Spain) fought Federer (Switzerland) on this year's French Open. Nadal has won the last two French open and is nick-named "king of the clay". This year was no exception.

The two were highest-ranked tennis players and friends, but so distinct in style, i mean both play style and dressing. Federer plays a sharp and stable one-hand backhand, and Nadal plays a two-hand back hand (he plays left-handed but he is a right-handed person in life). Nadal wears sleeveless shirt and capri pant (3/4) in bright colors, whereas Federer wears polo shirts (almost looking nonathletic) and shorts. But don't mistake them; they are both masters on the courts. Federer's signature backhand were so quick and stealthy, making even the energized Nadal did not want to chase. Nadal was also unbelievably resilient in saving so many break points and won the first set 6-4. Federer remained silent and expressionless even when losing, whereas Nadal growled as he hit the ball.




I did not want a particular one to win but I enjoyed Nadal's bursts of youthfulness the better -- i checked later, he is only 21 years old and he certainly dressed to his age with a pair of cute capri pants and bright blue hair-band. He met some hostility at the French open: some say "we don't need construction worker arms in tennis," -- I am surprised but then realized that in the world of classics, beauty is defined as something else, or rather someone like Federer. Nearly 80% supported Federer according to a pool. Yeah, Federer is an underdog in this match and is an epic time for him -- he has won championship all but French Open. But don't they at least have some appreciation of the breeze of youthful energy that Nadal brought to this?








thanks NY times for photos

Added links

Feel like blogger is really technology in the 70's. Google really should do something to overhaul it. Otherwise I will abandon ship!

The following is what i found in one of the linked blogs.

"He said I shouldn’t ponder. He said I shouldn’t worry. He said I shouldn’t over think." And I’m not. But I am questioning.

I once made some suggestions to this stranger on how to deal with a situation in his relationship. now i think i was being silly; because i am not really any better. I surprisingly find that the reason i could make suggestion is perhaps because we're like-minded people -- we think too much.